We broaden our minds and reduce our vocabulary

Mary Dunwich writes:

James and his friends have set up a small business! I know this because I have found one of their business cards in James' trouser pocket. It says:

"Bouncing Bunnies Computer Support: all your computer problems fixed. 1 House Point per 15 minutes. Contact James, Jay and Stanley in 6B."

If they are being paid in house points then they must be selling their services to the teaching staff, and raising their popularity with the other kids in their house into the bargain. I'm impressed at their entrepreneurialism. What busy little bees they are!

I have also been a busy bee. I have a second LingQ student now. His name is Uri and he comes from Uzbekistan. He has an impeccable command of the English language, provided he is talking about mining and mineral resources. On any other subject he stammers and dries up. In extreme cases he blames a dodgy Skype connection and hangs up. As my knowledge of mining is even sketchier than my knowledge of cricket, all I can manage to say in our conversations is "Mmm" or "Well, I didn't know that!" It's like listening to James explaining the plot of Doctor Who.

Still, I haven't spent the last four years flirting with Harry the Geek without learning a trick or two for dealing with the socially hesitant. I'll get round Uri, see if I don't. I'll have to think of some interesting questions to ask about Uzbekistan. At present I can think of only one, which is: "Is Uzbekistan a real place?" It sounds exotic and imaginary, like Shangri-La or The Isle of Avalon. If it is real, I have no idea where it can be.

I shall have to set Minnie on the task of finding out about Uzbekistan. Mrs Krumball has been forcing extra geography on my daughter as part of her punishment for her Bonfire Night prank. Astonishingly, Minnie is really enjoying it and has been looking forward to her detentions. She's learned all sorts of things with Mrs Krumball. She has explained to me how it is possible to provide the whole world with electricity by linking the existing power stations to create a world-wide energy grid. That's pretty impressive coming from a seven-year-old.

My ignorance of any event happening beyond my native shores is becoming something of an embarrassment. I know that the world expects the British to be insular, but really, it seems that we are living on a totally different planet from the rest of the world. Even little old ladies living halfway up mountains have more of a grasp of world politics than I do. Well, one little old lady at least. TibetanChick was telling me with great gusto about the impact the new American president was likely to have on Tibetan-Chinese relationships. Considering her limited vocabulary she really can express herself quite graphically. Too graphically for my tastes, I daren't use the speakers during our Skype conversations in case the children are listening.

I'm pleased to say that under my guidance TibetanChick has made some progress with her English. I have convinced her that the "M" word is not acceptable in polite conversation. Or the "N" word. The "B" word is usually used only by working men in moments of great stress. The "V" word I had to look up, the "C" word wasn't even in the dictionary and I think the "Z" word must be in Tibetan. As that's six words she can no longer use in English, I must be the only LingQ tutor to have decreased a student's active vocabulary! I wonder what that's done to her LingQ scores?