Birdy won't talk

{A serious piece}

Birdy is in his second term of nursery school and his teachers are concerned because he doesn't play with the other children. Rather, he watches them play and then copies them. More worryingly, he doesn't respond to the sound of his name. If you want to grab his attention, the surest way is to go up and touch him on the shoulder.

The teachers asked me to have his hearing checked. "Oh, he can hear you just fine!" I responded with all my customary charm. "He's just not interested in listening to you." They didn't seem satisfied with that.

Next they asked if he talks at home. "Oh yes!" I responded brightly. "He's a little chatterbox. He talks about Doctor Who, Thomas the Tank Engine and space. Lives in his own little world."

They didn't seem very reassured and responded by asking me to sign an Individual Education Plan for him. I sat down on a dinky chair at a dinky little table and read it. In brief it said:

The Problem: Birdy doesn't talk very much
Desired Outcome: Make Birdy talk more
Action required to achieve this outcome: Talk to Birdy and get him to talk back.

As I sat, grumpily contemplating the near-idiotic superficiality of this problem solving process, two little boys came and sat next to me at the dinky little table. Exhibit A was Birdy, who sat and watched me in silence. Exhibit B was a little boy I had never noticed or spoken to before.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm reading this piece of paper," I answered.

"What's it about?" he asked.

"It's about Birdy not talking," I answered.

"Why doesn't Birdy talk?" he asked.

"I don't know," I answered.

I looked at Exhibit B. Exhibit B looked back at me. Exhibit A practiced burping. I sighed.

"Well, if talking to strangers and asking questions all the time is normal for a three year old," I said to Exhibit B, "then you're normal and Birdy isn't. It's a fair cop," and I signed the piece of paper.

At home I googled language learning disorders. That led me to autistic spectrum disorders, which gave me somthing to ponder. Might Birdy be autistic? He doesn't call me "Mummy", in fact he rarely uses names for anyone or anything, including himself. Although he does talk, if you listen carefully you realise he is saying things like: "Michael Bentine's Potty Time take 1!" This is not only a straight copy from one of his favourite programmes, he even copies exactly Michael Bentine's voice. He's no different from a parrot who has learned to say "Polly wants a cracker!" and who then is puzzled when it gets given a cracker.

I went and asked the Special Needs teacher about autism. She was reassuring. She says it can't be ruled out (well, very little can at this early age) but there's no need to jump to conclusions. After all, our gifted little mimic copies our facial expressions, and seems to do so with the sole purpose of making us laugh. He seems rather to be a clown who doesn't understand the point of language, than a child who can't understand other people.

An alternative to autism is something which is sometimes called Semantic Pragmatic Disorder. This looks like autism but isn't necessarily accompanied by autism. These kids fail to grasp the working of language or to pick up on social clues about behaviour until they are much older, although they do finally catch up and become just like other kids.

Mrs Special Needs Teacher also reminded me that Birdy has two very smart, very much older siblings. If he has only them to play with then his behaviour is going to be unusual. He doesn't play with three-year old toys because he would rather play with (and break) twelve-year old toys. He watches Doctor Who (which he can't understand much of) because his big brother is a Doctor Who obsessive.

Hopefully, whatever Birdy has that is holding him back from talking and playing with other kids of his own age, is something that he will grow out of. Perhaps all he really needs, like his Mummy, is to get out more and meet people.