I want to be a teacher when I grow up!

[This is true]

I have applied for a teacher training course at my local college. I want to qualify to teach people, who don't speak English, to speak English. There ought to be a shorter phrase for that. In fact there are several. "English as a foreign language" implies that you are going to teach only foreigners, i.e. people who live abroad. "English as a second language" implies that you are going to teach only people who already speak only one other language, which discriminates against polyglots. "English for speakers of other languages" is wordy but inclusive, as it includes immigrants, the Welsh, sign language users, polyglots and extraterrestrials. But not, presumably, the mute. "English for thinkers in other languages" might be the ideal phrase, although I suppose that would discriminate against the very stupid.

My application form had no spelling mistakes and so I was offered an interview with aptitude test. I carefully dressed like a teacher (corduroy trousers and dangly silver earrings) and went along.

Only two of the other five applicants appeared to be native English speakers. In fact we seemed quite a multi-ethnic bunch. Reflecting on the wording of the application criteria I realised that being an English native, or a native speaker of English, weren't actually requirements. Fair enough, I thought. People who have learned English as a speaker of another language ought to be well qualified to teach English to speakers of other languages. As long as they know their subjunctives from their semicolons, and the students don't mind learning English with an Indian or a Portugese accent.

In her introductory statements our interviewer explained that knowing English grammar was actually quite important and we would have to have lessons to make sure we understood it. She also explained that there would be homework and it would really be a terrific idea if we did it all and handed it in. She said she had to make that very clear at the interview because people often drop out of the course because that they had failed to realise they might have to write an essay or two. I nodded thoughfully and doodled a cup of tea.

We were then handed our aptitude tests. I had to read the questions several times. Were they trick questions cunningly disguised to look like they had been written by an eight year old? There was one spelling question, one punctuation question, one singular vs plural verb question, and one reported speech question. Surely it couldn't be that easy? I put a perfect subjunctive and a semicolon into my answers just for devilment. I hadn't come all that way not to show off a bit.

Then there was an essay on "Why I want to be a teacher" (200 words).

While we were sucking our pens and looking thoughtful, or in my case fantasising about pots of tea, we were called in for our interviews.

I had explained about my LingQ experiences at some length on my application form, which had clearly amazed and possibly dismayed my interviewer. She read out with obvious disbelief the list of languages I claimed to speak.

"What is the commonest problem you have encountered with people learning English?" she asked.

"Perfectionism!" I replied without hesitation. "Many of my students are professional people who have invested years of their free time in learning English, and they still aren't satisfied with their achievements. They set themselves unattainably high goals and it affects their self-confidence."

There followed a short silence.

"You won't get students like that here," responded my stunned interviewer. "Our students are the kind who don't do any work and they wonder why they find it hard. How will you get them to do their homework?"

I thought about this. "I think I will explain to them that they should do their homework if they want to be able to speak English," I ventured at last.

The interviewer nodded. This seemed to be the expected answer.

After a few more questions (clearly she was using the same questions for each interview) the interviewer asked me the Time Management Question.

"How much time do you spend on your studies?" she asked.

"About three hours a day," I answered.

Another thoughtful pause, with more reading of my application form.

"You have three small children....yet you find THREE HOURS A DAY for study?"

I shrugged. I pulled my mp3 player out of my pocket and my ebook reader out of my shoulder bag.

"Here are my learning materials," I said. "I have little quality time, but I'm good at making the most of odd minutes. I listened to 10 minutes of Harry Potter in Russian just waiting for this interview to start."

I have no idea whether I passed the selection proceedure. I may have been too cocky, and I think the jokes I put in my essay went a step too far. I think, however, I made an impression on my interviewer. She was looking pretty shell-shocked when I left. She's not going to forget the Woman From LingQ in a hurry.

Christmas Day Part 1

Well, THAT was a Christmas that we won't forget in a hurry!

The children had set up a trip-wire to catch Father Christmas. Charlie used some very expressive language when he fell over it, which fortunately failed to wake the children.

On Christmas morning we were woken at 7:00 am to the strains of Slade’s "Merry Christmas" played at top volume through a loudspeaker system that James had rigged up.  As it happens I am an early riser by nature. Charlie isn’t, so the children learned a few more colourful expressions. I got up and made the breakfast.

After breakfast we all sat down and opened our presents around the tree.  James had a new webcam, which he was very pleased with and he spent much of the morning installing it on his computer. It appears to be compatible with both Skype and Ouija for Windows.

Minnie had an electronic drum kit. I noted with satisfaction that it has both a volume control and an earphone socket. She can be loud  without disturbing the neighbours.

Charlie got a variable speed jiggery-poker. This is apparently a very useful bit of kit when one is building a dalek. You need it for getting the eyestalks aligned properly or something. He tried to explain but I made an excuse and went to prod the Brussels Sprouts.

I got a new hard-drive (I had filled up the old one with all audio books from librivox.org) and a Geek’s Kitchen Apron. It has twenty-seven pockets for different utensils, and a built-in jam thermometer, timer and calorie counter. James claims that Steven Hawking has one. I doubt that, but I’m prepared to believe that Professor Hawking’s mother has one.

Harry the Geek came round, played with all the children’s presents, ate Christmas lunch with us and then disappeared with Charlie to discuss eyestalks and try out the jiggery-poker. James, who had been watching the snow with gloom all week, observed with delight that it had melted, and disappeared in the direction of his workshop. Minnie settled down to bang and crash silently along with "Queen’s Greatest Hits".

I settled down on the sofa to listen to some LingQ Japanese lessons.

(Continued tomorrow)

Yet More Slogans for LingQ

LingQ: for language nuts!
LingQ: it's not for softies!
A LingQ account is for life, not just til your next holiday in Majorca!
LingQ: because there is life beyond GCSE French!
LingQ: it's like a university course you can study in your pyjamas.
LingQ: for people who seriously love learning languages.
LingQ: for people who are serious about language learning
LingQ: serious about language learning.
LingQ: natural language learning
LingQ: We Love Languages, or
LingQ: We Live Languages
LingQ: Language Learning is Child's Play!
LingQ: Passionate about Languages
LingQ: Love Learning Languages Natuarally
LingQ: Love Learning Languages on-Line

Take a look at this Video Podcast for British English Learners: Luke's English Podcast

Being cheeky to Sir

A new school year, a new set of teachers to break in.

Minnie is now in Mr Custardcream's class. Mr Custardcream is my age and is surprisingly cool. He went on Tiswas as a kid (ask a middle-aged person what this was) and used to know Ozzy Osbourne (ask an old person who this is).

Minnie is very taken with Mr Custardcream. She has started answering the register in Japanese, which he takes with good humour. She cheeks him in French, and has also tried a bit of German out on him.

Minnie seems to have more aptitude for foreign languages than James, even though I can't altogether approve of her motivation. Still, it's the LingQ way and I don't want to discourage her. This could be the start of a life-long love affair - hopefully with language learning rather than with Mr Custardcream.

Does anyone know where I can find a source of beginner-level sassiness in French, German and Japanese suitable for an eight-year old?

Some LingQ tag lines

In the time it took me to fall asleep last night my brain went a bit crazy and came up with a load more LingQ tag lines. Maybe we could organise a marketing campaign with billboard hoardings and T-shirts?

LingQ: Because the French are even sexier when you understand what they're saying.
LingQ: Because Germans DO have a sense of humour.
LingQ: Because the British AREN'T living in the past.
LingQ: Because Americans DO understand irony.
LingQ: Because the Canadians ARE smart.
LingQ: Because the Russians AREN'T always gloomy.
LingQ: Because you might want to watch TV abroad.
LingQ: Because politics is more interesting when you understand what the other guys say about you.
LingQ: Because Manga is cooler in the original.
LingQ: Because you've got to be hooked on something.
LingQ: Because it's not illegal, immoral or fattening.
LingQ: Because your high school teachers were WRONG about you!
LingQ: Because it impresses your kids' teachers.
LingQ: Because your parents don't understand you.
LingQ: Because it makes your neighbours think you're a spy.
LingQ: Because if a baby can do it, then so can you!
LingQ: Because it increases your chances of asking a millionaire to marry you.
LingQ: Because your DVD user manual is in Chinese.
LingQ: Because foreign TV commercials are really stupid!
LingQ: Because your Granny speaks more languages than you.
LingQ: Because THEY don't want you to know THE TRUTH!

Learning multiple languages on LingQ

People sometimes ask me how I manage to learn several languages at once on LingQ. The questions puzzle me. I don't do anything special. It's more about what I don't do.

I don't spend time learning to conjugate verbs or decline nouns. If you hear enough of a language, you get the hang of how it goes. The common patterns anyway. If a pattern isn't common enough for you to encounter regularly, it isn't important enough to spend time learning.

I don't spend time learning the keyboard layout for each language. It's too confusing. I use the extended UK keyboard, which gives me my usual QWERTY layout, plus French and German special characters if you press several keys at once. For Russian I have a ЯШЕРТЫ phonetic mapping, which means if I type a word how it sounds it comes out near enough. The spell checker will pick up the odd typo as well as all my spelling mistakes! For typing Japanese in Windows you can type romaji with your usual Latin keyboard layout, then it does some sort of computer magic and turns it into hiragana or kanji. For typing Chinese.....well, I'll worry about that later.

I don't spend time working on my pronunciation. I just try and copy what I have heard and the result is usually close enough. I really don't care if I speak Japanese with a southern English accent. In fact, I might do it on purpose just for fun!

I don't spend time learning vocabulary. I must have ten thousand unlearned LingQs, and I'll never have time to flashcard them all. I just flick through my vocabulary lists, upping the status of the words which I can remember from all my listening.

I don't spend time searching for the meanings of words. Too many words: too little time. The most common words I already know. The next most common words are known by other LingQ students, which means I can just select one of the hints which show up on a mouse-over. Slightly uncommon words I have to look up on the connected online dictionaries. And if Babylon or Google Dictionary don't have the translation, then the word is too obscure and I lose interest.

I don't spend time writing assignments. Maybe I should but I'm kind of lazy and definitely pressed for time. I know my speaking is improving because my various tutors tell me so. If my spelling is poor, well I can worry about that further down the line. I at least know how to use a spell-checker.

I don't have regular tutorial sessions. I did try but it made my life too complicated, what with all the tutors I talk to. Now I book up a whole month at a time, one-on-one sessions with tutors I fancy talking to, or joining interesting looking conversations. Often I run out of points and can't talk to anyone for a fortnight. Taking a break doesn't seem to harm the learning process.

I don't worry about the fact that I'm not perfect. I haven't time. Let's face it, there are always going to be a billion people who speak Chinese better than me. Better to accept that I speak bad Chinese and listen to a lesson instead.

I don't worry about what level I am at. I used to, I admit. I have spent hours studying the different levels and tests and vocabulary lists. If I had spent that time listening to Russian.....well, you get the idea. Unless you need to pass a certain exam to get a job, you might just as well call yourself an intermediate and stop bothering your head about it. Your tutor will be able to tell how good you are after 5 minutes of talking to you, and for everyone else, it doesn't really matter.

So there you are. Embrace your natural laziness, use it constructively and you will find yourself going further than you ever thought possible.

LingQ: because film subtitles mistranslate all the best bits!

Learning Russian with LingQ: Lower Intermediate

I joined LingQ last year in order to learn Russian. I had spent two years trying to teach myself, using a textbook and whatever lessons I could find on the internet. I learned about grammar, and could read (but not pronounce)a few hundred words. I couldn't understand any spoken Russian, and struggled to read it.

The lessons in the LingQ library have been brilliant. I've worked my way through about 100 of them so far, created thousands of LingQs, and learned about a third of them. I've worked hard on it. Now I can get the general idea of what a lesson or a podcast is about on the first hearing, although I need to chew my way through it with a dictionary to understand it properly. I still read Russian only slowly, although I can pronounce it quite well.

I do have conversations with the Russian tutors from time to time. The time I spent learning grammar rules have had very little impact on my ability to speak. If I had spent that time on listening to LingQ lessons instead, I would probably be fluent by now. As it is, I keep having to drop back into English to say "how do I say....?"

I hope that, in another six months and 50 more LingQ lessons, I'll be able to listen to audio books. Then I will create my own lessons from the ebook versions and work through them. Until then, there's plenty in the LingQ library to choose from. And strangely enough, I find that you pick up grammar rules without really trying if you hear enough examples.

LingQ: because foreigners DON'T understand you if you shout!

Learning French with LingQ: Upper Intermediate level

I'll be the first to admit my French isn't brilliant. I did five years in high school, in the days when it was compulsory in the UK, and it was neither taught nor learned with any great enthusiasm. Since then I haven't used it in twenty-five years. I did once try a French evening class, but nearly died of boredom while conjugating a type 2 verb.

So I don't do French classes. I do read thrillers, and listen to simple podcasts. When I read a book I import it into LingQ and use it to create my own lessons. I go through the story carefully, looking up all the words I don't know, and adding them to my vocabulary list. Every week or so I read through my the list of words and find that, without conscious effort, I now know some of them.

I like to have discussions with the friendly and charming French tutors, and it amazes me to find I can actually speak quite fluently. I get muddled up with verb tenses, and sometimes I have to have three tries at a word before I pronounce it right.

In the last year I have improved from understanding only simple, slowly spoken French to understanding real French in podcasts and audio books. I can read Verne or Dumas, although I have to read some sentences over and over. In another year I hope to be able to listen to most French in "real time" (like the radio, where you can't pause and rewind) and understand most of it. I hope to improve my pronunciation. I might even get the hang of the subjunctive.

I really never thought I would be able to improve my French to the level where I could actually use it, and to do it without having to conjugate any more type 2 verbs is fantastic!

LingQ: because talking to foreigners is fun!

LingQ: setting goals, meeting targets

When I first joined LingQ my goal was simple but vague: I just wanted to be able to speak Russian. I wasn't sure if I could, so setting that goal was a big deal for me. I wasn't sure whether I was smart enough, how long it would take, how much it would cost, how hard it would be, whether my somewhat chaotic lifestyle could accommodate a long-term learning plan.

A year later, I know better.

Sure I'm smart enough! If you can switch on a computer then you have the brains to learn a language. My little boy can do both and he's still in nappies.

It needn't cost anything. LingQ is about people helping each other to learn. You don't even have to buy Steve Kaufmann's book.

It takes (give or take) 1 000 hours to become fluent in a language.

It's actually pretty easy, unless you try and make it hard. You just listen to stuff and read stuff and then you realise you have learned some new words.

As for my freeform lifestyle, I have a computer in my living room, an MP3 player in my pocket and an eBook reader in my handbag. Whenever I have a spare 10 minutes when my ears, eyeballs or fingers aren't being used for something else, I can do some reading or some listening or some vocabulary reviewing. Although I have very little quality time to spare, I have two or three hours a day of spare odd minutes, on the bus, at the school gate, eating breakfast or having a bath. It doesn't matter whether you do more listening than reading, or more reading than reviewing vocabulary. It all goes into your brain, and your brain joins it all together while you are thinking about something quite different. (I've started dreaming in Kanji, now that's weird!)

If you cast your eyeballs to the column on the right you will see that I'm now working on 5 languages at once. My goal is to become proficient enough at each that I can read a newspaper, listen to a radio show, watch a TV documentary. I figure that's about 40 000 known words and 1 000 hours study per language, and as you can see I'm getting there. It might take a couple of years, it might take a bit longer (I quite fancy Arabic and Spanish too). But I know I can do it, I can afford to do it, and it's fun. I also know a lot of people who have done it before me.

LingQ: because we can't ALL be crazy!

Why I use LingQ to learn languages

Steve suggests we create some videos for LingQ's YouTube group LingQ Plaza http://www.youtube.com/group/lingqplaza. I have never done a video before, so I'll write some words here and use the best ones for a script.

I joined LingQ in July 2008. I had been trying to learn Russian and was getting frustrated. I had spent a lot of time reading books, but none of it helped me to actually understand a piece of Russian! I found I was spending more and more time trawling the internet, looking for sites which could help me.

But I'm a tricky customer to please. I don't want to pay any money, for anything. I want well-thought out guidance from people who really understand about language learning. I don't want to be bored, at all, ever. So I don't like sites which tell me to read dull news articles or the classics. I don't do poetry. I do vampire stories, rock music (DDT rule!) and articles about the paranormal. I don't like sites that try to sell me sex in any form (I really can't use any more Russian mail-order brides) and I don't want to be encouraged to download illegal files.

I happened upon LingQ. It was exactly what I was looking for, audio files with transcripts, a lot of them, with on-line dictionaries so you can look up the words you don't understand and save them in your own on-line vocabulary list. I also really liked the fact that the system kept track of how many words you had learned and how many words you knew, so for the first time I had some indicator of my progress. Best of all, I liked that I could use my own material (Dracula!) to create my own LingQ lessons.

I like the people too. I was impressed right from the start that a lot of LingQ members are linguists. These are people who seriously love language learning, and have put a lot of thought into how best to do it. I have learned more about the learning process from hanging out in the forum than I ever learned in a class.

I hate spending money. But I do have a paying account on LingQ now, it's worth it because I get feedback on my progess from a lot of friendly and helpful tutors. It's a lot of fun. And I haven't been bored, not ever. And I haven't read any poetry either.

LingQ: because it keeps you off the streets and out in the big wide world.