James needs his head examining - again

[This is true]

What is it with my kids? No sooner have I soothed the ruffled feathers of one of their teachers when another of the kids gets into trouble.

On the positive side, the Health Visitor (otherwise known as Government Snoop) came round and talked to Birdy. She pronounced him as very bright, probably bored out of his little mind at nursery school, giving his teachers the silent treatment just to annoy them. That's a worry off my mind, I had been imagining a language disorder or Autistic Spectrum.

Onto the next problem child. James is in trouble (again) for poor timekeeping, disorganisation, forgetting his own name and generally being odder than his teachers feel they can cope with on a daily basis. He claims to see dead people, and although this is probably a joke, with him it is very difficult to tell. His teachers think he may be taking drugs.

I have grown accustomed to his ways, so I went to explain the notion of "schizotypy" to them. His teachers were clearly unnerved by the idea of a year seven boy having hallucinations, paranoid ideas or delusions of super powers. Although they seemed to believe what I was saying (which was a pleasant change from being treated as a fantasist), they weren't really happy about taking my word for it. If he is to be excused from Reality on a regular basis a note from Mum isn't really adequate documentation. A note from the doctor would carry much more weight in his permanent record, or better yet, a psychologist's report.

"There's not much point in referring him to an educational psychologist," I said, wearily. Been there, done that, got the psychologist's report. "They only look for evidence of learning difficulties. They aren't interested in his odd ideas."

"Nooooooo...." said the Special Needs Manager. "That sounds more like a job for mental health professionals."

"He's not ill!" I said quickly, deciding not to mention the telekinesis, visitations from the dead and UFO sightings.

"No, no, of course not!" said Mr Special Needs very soothingly and slightly too quickly. "But they are trained to assess these things, and they know all the terminology for hallucinatory experiences. His GP can refer him to CAMHS and they can assess him and write us a report for his file."

Ho hum. I suppose I'd better make him a doctor's appointment then. "Please can you arrange to have my son's head examined because he is acting so strangely that it's attracting attention even in a state school". I think, on balance, it might be better not to mention it to Grandma. She'll blame me for bringing him up mentally unstable.